Merry and Pippin Do America
by Earwen of the Elves
Summary: Pippin complains to Gandalf that he and Merry are bored. Gandalf then sends them to the place mentioned in the title. My first fic, so don't be surprised if it stinks.
1. Prologue

Merry and Pippin Go To America

a/n: this is my very first fic.. I hope that it is okay.

Disclaimer: You'd think that we wouldn't have to put these on every story, since this website IS But nooo, WE have to say that we do not own LotR or whatever. So, I don't own LotR, Merry, Pippin, or Gandalf, and all that jazz.

Prologue

"Hey Gandalf!"

"What, fool of a Took?"

"Merry and me are bored."

"It's Merry and _I, _Peregrine. Why don't you go and toss yourselves off a cliff?"

"We did that yesterday. Now we're bored again."

"What about drinking?"

"Doctor told us to stay off it."

"A _doctor? _Since when did you see a doctor?"

"Since Frodo got a degree from an online medical school."

"I won't ask. Why don't you smoke some pipeweed?"

"Causes lung cancer."

"Sigh."

A light bulb then went off in Gandalf's head.

'Ouch!"

"What's wrong, Gandalf, dude?"

"Nothing, nothing."

Then the light bulb started to speak.

"Hey you!" is what it said. "Why don't you send those two stupid hobbits to a different dimension? There's that one place you visited, you know, really big, lots of people, many roads, takes over a year to see it all."

"The internet?'

'No, America, you dimwit."

"Ohhhhh. I get it now. You want me to get out that old portal that I got at Saruman's last garage sale and send the young hobbits to America."

"You're finally catching on."

"Hey Peregrine!"

"Have you finally traded your disco ball for Galadriel's china collection?"

"No, you fool. You and Merry are going to a _brand new place that you've never been before!_

" ROADTRIP! Awesome, dude, is it Mordor?"

'No.'

Then Merry joined in.

"Hey homefries, what's up dawgs?"

"Gandalf is going to send us somewhere we've _never been before._

" ROADTRIP!!! Is it Aragorn's bathtub?"

"Quiet!"

"You are going," said Gandalf with a dramatic flare, "to America!"

"Ameriwhat?"

"America. Here's a map, several million dollars, and keys to a VW bug convertible!"

'What are dollars?"

"What's a VW bug convertible?"

"You'll find out soon enough," said Gandalf as a smirk played upon his face. (A/N: why do facial expressions play? Why don't they work?)

"Off you go then! Buh-bye!"

"AHHHH!"

"Yippee!" exclaimed Gandalf.

And that's how Merry and Pippin came to the U.S. of A.

A/N: Good? Bad? I'm not going to be one of those pathetico people who beg others to review. Still, comments are appreciated.


	2. Confusion

Chapter 2: Confusion

A/N: cool, I got a review. Merry and Pippin will eventually make it to the West Coast, but for now they are hanging out in the East.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own LotR. If I did, I could actually afford all the stuff from the Noble Collection. I also borrowed sticky note #5 from literary genius Dave Barry.

Merry and Pippin found themselves on a beach. Right beside them was a VW bug. However, our favorite hobbits didn't know that.

"Merry, what IS that thing?"

"Maybe it's a new evil weapon."

"I don't know. But believe it or not, it could be a transportation device.

"Yeah, right."

"I'm actually serious. Let's go check it out."

"It's not a hobbit lass, Pippin."

"Maybe it's that thing Gandalf mentioned, a VW bug?"

"It doesn't look like a bug to me."

"Well maybe it is.'

'And maybe it isn't."

"And maybe it is."

"And maybe it isn't."

"Let's just go see what it is."

The hobbits ran over and saw about 5 sticky notes stuck on the windshield. They read (in order):

"You are now in America. You will be traveling all around here for a long time, so get used to it."

"This is called a car. Its brand is Volkswagen, also known as VW, and the model is the Beetle. You will learn more about it when you get inside."

"Inside, you will also find something called money. It is all those little green pieces of paper and the round metal bits. You use it to buy stuff, like food and clothes."

"By the way, you'll have to ditch the clothes if you don't want to be beaten up."

And the last one read:

"FordSuzukiHondaChevroletRollsRoycePorsheoffersmoneybackguaranteewegetyourhouseanyourfamilyandyourkidneys."

"What are kidneys, Merry?"

"Don't know, Pip."

Merry and Pippin got inside the car. There they read:

"Most cars you have to drive manually. But since there isn't enough time for you two to get driving lessons, just push this fuchsia button here and it will go wherever you tell it to. KEEP THE MONEY SECRET. KEEP IT SAFE. If anyone takes it, you're toast. Whenever you need anything, just exchange it for what you are trying to obtain.

"What does obtain mean, Merry?'

"Get, you dimwit."

"Oh."

The hobbits also found a road map of the U.S. plus a travel journal, even though Pippin still was only 99 sure what the difference was between "u" and "v".

"According to this map, we are in Florida, who's motto is "Florida: We don't know how to vote, but we sure are friendly."

"What is vote?"

"I guess we'll find out later."

"Let's see, according to this map we are about twenty miles from Miami. Let's go there.'

"Okay," replied Merry, "MIAMI!"

And off they went.

A/N Review if you feel like it. I won't make you. Although I am confused when people say to push the purple button that says "submit review." For me, it's mostly white with a little bit of blue.


	3. 3 Day One: Miami

Disclaimer: If I owned LotR, I would have visited New Zealand by now.

Chapter Three: Day One-Miami, Florida

Today, we went to Miami, Florida, whatever Florida is. The people here are weird. For one thing, the people here are all tall, like in Rohan or Gondor. Another thing, many of them talk in a different language that we honestly don't understand. We met one nice guy. His name is Dave. He said that he rights an important news column for the Miami Herald. When we asked what that was, he said, "Oh, just a newspaper." Although he seemed too funny to write for a newspaper. Then we drove around Miami. On the radio, which is a funny little thing that plays music, there was a song about Miami, although the guy singing it wasn't singing at all, he was talking. We don't get that. We thought music was supposed to have singing in it. Then we went to the beach. It was weird, because many people there were butt naked. We left. Then we had lunch. Now we are headed north to who knows where.

Merry: I don't think I will ever go to the beach again.

Pippin: For lunch, we had tacos and chips with salsa. The salsa was so hot and I didn't have anything to drink so I went to the big water area and drank some but it was salty and then I puked.

Merry: Thanks for reminding me of that, Pip.

Pippin: Your're welcome!

A/N: This is how the format will be from now on. A summary, then diary entries. Oh, and thanks for the kind reviews!

Pippin: You're welcome!

Almighty Authoress and Merry: Shut up, Pippin!


End file.
